(sung to the tune of "Windy")

Who's just become the Enterprise helmsman
Despite the fact that Picard hates kids?
Who's here to dazzle us with his genius
Everyone knows it's Wesley!

Who makes us groan when he's on camera
Making us think of "Barney in Space"?
Who should be bound and gagged in a corner?
Everyone knows it's Wesley.

And Wesley gets on the nerves
Of the captain that he serves
We all agree he deserves
An ugly fate (an ugly fate)
We just can't wait (we just can't wait)

The kid has a high IQ
But we wish to God that Q
Would save the day (would save the day)
Take Wes away (take Wes away)

Who knows the meaning of nepotism
Who can kiss butt with the very best?
Who needs a date with some Cardassians?
Everyone shout out–Wesley!