Ah, April Fool's — a good day to be a gamer. Back in the day, I would write news and reviews specifically for the occasion. I don't have the energy for that anymore, but the industry is still rife with such creative energy.

Amidst all the rickrolling and Internet cleaning, the most imaginative came to my email inbox directly from Microsoft, offering four innovative upgrades to the Xbox 360:

The wireless helmet is little different from last year's WiiHelm from ThinkGeek, but the rest are drool-worthy. An Xbox Live board game? Why not — it worked for World of Warcraft. A wood grain Xbox 360? It'd go great next to my Atari 2600! And the recon edition 360 may put Microsoft's console in the same league as the Nintendo Game Boy for most invulnerable gaming system. Want!

Any other good pranks out there I'm overlooking?

Title	:	The Legend of Zelda
Platforms	:	Nintendough BoxCube
Publisher	:	Nintendough
ESRB Rating	:	'E' for Everyelf
Game Rating	:	10.0.1
Review by	:	Ken Gagne

In every generation, a hero is born.

It is a period of civil war. The elven people of Hyrule, long at peace, have split asunder in a conflict that threatens to engulf the entire world. The terrorist faction Khee'bler has intercepted Imperial communications, exposing militant groups and spy networks. What little security remains must be preserved.

Now is found a new hope. The forgotten language of the Sahn'ta elves becomes the unbreakable code of the Imperial Army. A young boy garbed in green rises to the challenge. His name is Link; he is a Windtalker.

"The Legend of Zelda: Windtalker" continues Nintendough's move to darker, more realistic entertainment, begun last year with the psychological thriller and shrink sim, "Internal Darkness". In Windtalker, players are challenged with guiding Link to safety through the mysterious Lost Woods, over the perilous Death Mountain, and across the depths of Lake Hylia. Dangers present themselves in the forms of not only napalm traps, mortar shells, and bouncing betties, but monstrous Octoroks, spidery Gohmas, grunge elves, dark elves, and irritating fairies. Link's Watcher companion, Navi, is ready to eliminate any threat, foreign or domestic, to national security. If gamers encourage Link to disobey a direct order, they may soon find him on the wrong end of "friendly" fire.

As young Link traverses the embattled land, he will probe the depths of eight mysterious dungeons of the Underdark, seeking the communications relay on each final floor. Gamers must master a variety of control schemes, exploiting the environment whenever possible. Discretion is often the better part of valor, such as when Link performs a split jump to literally get the drop on the enemy. Well-placed bait can lead grumbling enemy dogs off-track. And blowing the whistle proves useful on more than the tobacco industry, allowing Link to shrink some enemies to a more manageable size.

Not all threats are so easily overcome, no matter what tools Link adds to his inventory. When the outcome appears set, Link will become the Hero of Time, travelling to a futuristic world where the war was lost. Only this unique hindsight will give him the knowledge and power necessary to move through time and set right what once went wrong, hoping each time that the next leap will be the leap home.

Enhancing the experience is connectivity between the BoxCube and the Neo-Game Boy. Using this added visual medium, players can know what evil lurks in the hearts of men with Link's Second Sight: the Neo makes known the inner thoughts of everyone Link meets. In this time of civil unrest, these thoughts can be… most disturbing. (again, a fine follow-up to "Internal Darkness")

This 3D action-adventure game incorporates fine aspects from many other games. It brings to the living room the brutal reality of war, yet the pretty colors and childish metaphors make it entertaining for the whole family, justifying the "E" for Everyone rating. This new Zelda will blow you away.

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This article is copyright (c) 2003, 2007 by Ken Gagne. All rights reserved. Not to be distributed without permission. Original publication: Tech News, 01-Apr-03

by Ken Gagne

After the unexpected failure of the Dreamcast, Sega last year abandoned their hardware division. The company responsible for the Sega Genesis, Game Gear, and many other memorable consoles became a third-party publisher, competing with the likes of Capcom and Electronic Arts for consumers' dollars across all platforms. 

Heartened by the success Sega's fiscal records recently revealed this new business strategy to bring, other hardware manufacturers are now following suit. 

"The Nintendo 64, while an artistic success, was financially troubled by the then-newcomer Sony PlayStation," said Peter MacDougall, executive vice president of sales and marketing at Nintendo of America. "We've learned from our mistakes. By discontinuing support for the GameCube, we expect 'the Nintendo difference' to reach an even wider audience." 

In a surprising move, Sony is yet another Johnny-come-lately to this marketing model. "We see no reason to be threatened by Microsoft," said Kaz Hirai of Sony, referring to the Windows publisher's Xbox video game console. "Our software publishing arm is ready and able to tackle this newcomer head-on — or from the inside-out." 

Following the announcement that the much-rumored PlayStation 3, 4, and 5 consoles were headed for the scrap heap, Microsoft was quick to counter with their own plans to cease manufacture of the Xbox hardware. 

"Since our launch in November 2001, we've attracted a strong corps of software publishers," said Bill Gates himself, representing Microsoft. "We're confident these companies will follow us and enjoy similar success on other hardware platforms." 

What "other hardware platforms" Gates refers to remains to be seen. The aftermath of this new economy is prepared to flood the market with quality software from all development houses — yet a lack of coordination among hardware manufacturers has left no viable consoles to receive new games. 

"What do you mean, 'no more Xbox'?" Hirai claimed to his board of directors early Wednesday morning, shortly after Microsoft's official announcement. 

Gates was similarly shocked. 

"You mean to tell me that cute little purple cube with the handle won't be running Windows?" Gates asked. "That's unacceptable." 

Shigeru Miyamoto simply wept. 

All ends of the industry are feeling the results of a lucrative business decision gone horribly wrong. Retailers, who previously struggled to represent each competing system with limited shelf space, suddenly find themselves with gaps to fill. Many have been left to relabel their software inventory as coasters, or "microwave special effect generators." 

A long-term solution is currently being sought by the Interactive Digital Software Association. 

"Won't anyone answer the call to produce an underpowered, unsupported, expensive, and highly-criticized game console?" lamented Doug Lowenstein, president of the IDSA. 

In related news, the organizers of the annual Vintage Computer Fest have announced an intended merger with the Electronic Entertainment Expo, Los Angeles' annual mecca of video game publishers and exhibitors. 

"We used to gather to celebrate the breathing of life into old systems, making them new again," commented show coordinator Ted Deppner. "Now we welcome several new systems into the folds of antiquity."

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This article is copyright (c) 2002, 2007 by Ken Gagne. All rights reserved. Not to be distributed without permission.

Original publication: Tech News, 01-Apr-02

by Ken Gagne

Over the years, Squaresoft has proven themselves a prolific publisher. Beginning with role-playing games, they have tackled and redefined nearly every genre since — who could forget the jaw-dropping Tobal No. 1? 

Of course, they've done it again. The sports genre will never be the same once you've played Final Fantasy Football League, a launch title for the Microtendo BoxCube. 

FFFL is a one-player game with many teams available from the various Final Fantasy titles. Choose the Returners and you'll have Terra, Sabin, and Umaro on your team; on the Avalanchers are Cloud, bad-ass Barret, and, making her triumphant return to the Final Fantasy universe, Aeris. 

Each play begins as it would in any football game — except the other team is invisible. Once the ball (here, a crystal) is hiked, players must make a mad dash for the next down. If a random encounter with a member of the opposite team occurs, the screen switches to battle mode, where action becomes turn-based. The "real-time football battle" lets players use the strengths and weaknesses of each character to their fullest extent. Mages can control the weather to their benefit, while ninja confuse and befuddle the opposing team in an attempt to take possession. There's plenty of marvelous magical mayhem, and the graphics when monsters are summoned leave nothing to be desired. If you see Titan charging to tackle you — run! 

Magical equipment can also enhance a team's chances. The Sprint Shoes, which double a character's speed, can be coupled with the rare Moogle Charm for a clear shot at the end zone. The Masmune turns even the weakest wizard into an all-star running back, while sundries such as Tents and Cabins allow for recuperative breathers during plays. These and other items can be bought in Season mode with the gold earned from victorious games. 

Being a Squaresoft game, you can count on FFFL to have not only amazing presentation and gameplay, but involving characters and storyline as well. Never has a football game been so emotionally moving. Injuries can occur at anytime and have lasting effects, such as when Rosa, the white mage quarterback, falls ill; losing her Aim ability will be a setback to any team. Players may call a time-out to embark on a side quest to heal their fallen comrades. Not all injuries are without their silver linings; Palom and Porom make strong twin defenders when turned to stone, and the necessary sacrifice of Shadow is one that will live on in many an instant replay. 

When and if players get to the end zone, their greatest battle will have just begun. Secrets will be revealed about the characters' pasts; backstabbing and side-turning may transpire; new and old friends and foes could appear. When finally the team comes together, the ultimate evil will reveal himself to block the heroes' touchdown. 

Not content with reversing America's dearth of RPGs, Square is now making the esoteric sports genre accessible to the common gamer. Final Fantasy Football League, the first Square BoxCube game, is the perfect kickoff to a new line of titles. FFFL is more than a game — it's an adventure. 

Thanks to Arc Nova and Jeanne Conrad on the staff of Video Gaming Central for suggesting this game for review.

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This article is copyright (c) 2001, 2007 by Ken Gagne. All rights reserved. Not to be distributed without permission.

Original publication: Video Gaming Central (CompuServe), 01-Apr-01

Title	:	Capcom vs. Everyone Else
Platforms	:	Coin-op
Publisher	:	Capcom
ESRB Rating	:	'E' for 'Everyone Else'
Game Rating	:	pi2
Review by	:	Ken Gagne

First there were the X-Men. Then, Marvel Super Heroes, and eventually, Marvel in its entirety. Later, SNK joined the fray. Now, countless sequels later, comes Capcom's fighter to end all fighters: Capcom vs. Everyone Else. 

Ever since the original Street Fighter II, the gaming market has been swamped with fighting clones, many of them poor imitations. Still, the number of good fighters out there is overwhelming. Finally, here are all your favorite fighters, consolidated into a single title: Ken, Akuma, Megaman, Strider, Demitri, Felicia, Spider-Man, Wolverine, King, Nina, Sarah, Wolf, Sub-Zero, Rayden, Galford, Joe Higashi, and more. 

But the list doesn't end with these known fighters. Capcom has cast a net across time and space, bringing together some of the best-known figures ever: 

Mario and Sonic, Alien and Predator, Terminator and Robocop, Batman and Superman, Picard and Kirk, Elminster and Raistlin, Darth Vader and Seven of Nine, Gandalf and Merlin, Bahamut and Tiamat, Splinter and Shredder, Bond and Phelps, Trebek and Sajak, McGwire and Sosa, Shaq and Jordan, Kerrigan and Harding, Leno and Letterman, Cronkite and Brokaw, and Windows and Macintosh. 

As if that wasn't enough ground to break, Capcom has revolutionized the fighting world, much as Virtua Fighter did by raising the level from 2D to 3D. That's right: Capcom vs. Everyone Else is a 4D game. 

Not only must you contend with fighting your opponent (or opponents, using the Tag Team/Battle Royal modes) in a fully 3D arena, the element of time must also be considered. By grabbing Chronogems, contestants may travel freely to any point in time, undoing past damage, evolving into higher forms, or even pulling into the present multiple instances of oneself, separated by nanoseconds, for a powerful team-up. Heck — by the time the game's over, your opponent may never have existed! 

One would think that all this could be pulled off only at the detriment to other aspects of the game. Not so! The graphics, running on the new Banvooami32fx arcade board, can project as many as five billion polygons/second and animate half as many sprites. Even at the upper bounds of the hardware's limit, there's no slowdown. 

Perhaps the game's most amazing feature is its absolute simplicity. To appeal to a wider market, the developers have made Capcom vs. Everyone Else's fighting system the simplest yet. Gone are the combos, chains, power moves, blocks, counters, alphas, and other complicated strategies of yesteryear. Besides the joystick, a single button comprises the control, automatically corresponding to the appropriate move for any given situation. What could be better? 

It takes a strong company to break the mold of repetitive, relentless sequels, and Capcom is just the company to do it. With this all-in-one package and innovative innovations, gamers can finally forget the competition and get back to what it's all about: gaming.

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This article is copyright (c) 1999, 2007 by Ken Gagne. All rights reserved. Not to be distributed without permission.

Original publication: Tech News, 01-Apr-99

by Ken Gagne

Have you been idly hanging around the arcades and Sears electronics department, waiting for video games to be invented? Are you a parent in need of a scapegoat for your child's violent behavior? Wait no more! Atari has created a new market for 1977 with the release of Pong, the world's first video game. 

Since Pong is the first of its kind, it is recommended that the manual be read thoroughly before any attempt at gameplay is made. Doing otherwise may lead "gamers" to confusion or frustration. 

The objective is to bounce a ball off a thin moving bar. The bar can be moved vertically through use of a "paddle," a knob allowing for analog movement in two directions. It is predicted that these will eventually be replaced by four-directional digital pads, but this writer thinks such visions are best left to Isaac Asimov and his robots. 

Pong is a two-player game, meaning two people can play it together. As the ball bounces off one player's bar, it careens toward the other player's. This back-and-forth motion continues indefinitely until one player or the other fails to block the ball, in which case the other player earns a point. At what point the game ends remains to be seen. 24-hour testing continues to determine score limits, if any. 

There's more to the game than the gameplay, of course. The graphics are simple, yet efficient. The ball, bar, and score meters are white, against a black background. Any other colors would only prove distracting, especially when such high level of concentration is required play effectively. 

The soundtrack was initially planned to be provided by ABBA. However, the music eventually had to be cut when it would not fit into the game's two kilobits of memory. The original score is still available separately on eight-track, courtesy Sonapanic Records. Yet the action remains intense, goaded by the thrilling beeps and whistles. 

Although Pong's level of complexity may deter some curious people, others will revel in its endless possibilities. The replay value is high, thanks to its acknowledgement of real-world physics — specifically, Newton's First Law: a body in motion tends to stay in motion. The ball never stops moving, so players can keep at it until the cows come home. 

Atari should be applauded for this bold new innovation. The amazing technology of computers has been shrunk down from the size of a city block to a television, so that youngsters can enjoy the privacy of playing with their paddles. 

There is little lacking from this first video game. Another dimension of gameplay could be added if the bars could move along all sides of the screen. And perhaps a final move to determine victory — for lack of a better word, I will call it a "fatality" — would raise the heat of competition. Let's hope that Atari considers thes features in the highly-anticipated sequel, Pong 2: Ping.

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This article is copyright (c) 1998, 2007 by Ken Gagne. All rights reserved. Not to be distributed without permission.

Original publication: Tech News, 01-Apr-98